My sister and I put on our armor, helmets and shields, loaded all three baby loves in to the car and drove to San Diego. A normal 5 hour drive took us close to 9 hours. It was a good thing we had been looking forward to this vacation for a long time so we were well prepared.
Our mother and her sister (my aunt Linda) have made it a tradition that our families get together for a vacation every few years just so we can catch up and spend a little time together. Our once all girls trip to Europe has now developed into Gigis and Ya Yas , moms and aunties, dads and uncles, and lots of babies. Oh how we have grown. This year’s destination was the beach.
Since schedules are all so scattered we rented a beach house for two weeks and most members of the family had a chance to enjoy the getaway at some point during the two week period. Some joined us for a weekend, others for a day or two but Sarah and I called it home for the full two weeks.
We loaded down my parents large 12 passenger van with a month’s worth of goods. Around 65 items of clothing, a new born co-sleeper, toddler crib, travel highchair, baskets of sand toys, buckets of food, Ice chests of water, dozens of blankets and pillows, a few baby dolls, two strollers, three car seats, and enough diapers to cover all the sandy bums of San Diego.
I haven't quite perfected how to describe our time there but it includes —a whole lot of bare feet and brown shoulders, sunsets, coconutty scents of sunscreen, and the feeling of sand between our toes. We spent evenings collecting shells, hours building sand castles, treasure hunting, and we even ventured out a few times to visit the must see tourist attractions. Including Sea World, the Zoo, and the Aquarium.
But so many of my feel-good moments were just as much about recognizing that our kids are stashing memories away even if they didn’t know it. We will look back and they will retell adventures of the cousins vacation. Even if the small detail will fade, I hope the presence of those memories will strengthen the importance of nature, adventure and most of all family.
While we were there my childhood best friend Erika came to visit us. She lives about an hour from the house we rented. She spent the day whole heartedly loving our children. The evening she sat with us around a beach bon fire laughing like we were still ten. The next day we blessed with the arrival of her parents who so kindly drove up for a lunch date. Growing up Mary and Hector were like second parents to me, so as soon as we engaged in conversation all of those memories I didn’t know I was making as a child came flooding back to me. It was wonderful day to include in our vacation.
At the end of our two weeks we were completely sun-soaked and sand-sprinkled, just how we wanted to be. We are home now and have been unpacked for weeks, I am still finding sand in random places and occasionally I get a wiff of that coconutty sweetness that screams beach and remember, the brave drive with my sister, the feel of my babies warm tan skin, the sound of my friends laugh, the sight of cousins hugging, but mostly I feel happiness from so many magical memories .
the small things....
Just had to share this little piece of joy. My Lily and I say prayers every night at bed time and this is her adorable version.
Hope everyone is having a happy week!
Our faaver who out in heaven how I be my name
the kings come them done
on earth as to heaven
give us bread
four give us ummm as tho aggnn(mumble) US
leads us not tim nation but
didver us from eagle
for then is the king power and old glory for ever and ever . amen
and if thats not cute enough, this is one of my favorite photos of her!
Hope everyone is having a happy week!
Our faaver who out in heaven how I be my name
the kings come them done
on earth as to heaven
give us bread
four give us ummm as tho aggnn(mumble) US
leads us not tim nation but
didver us from eagle
for then is the king power and old glory for ever and ever . amen
and if thats not cute enough, this is one of my favorite photos of her!
Bang! Boom! Bam!.....BABY!
(Warning: LONG post so get comfortable)
July has arrived with its bags packed full of fun. The first day of July an early Friday morning a six a.m. early to be exact started my day off with a telephone call. The same type of early call I received nine months ago, but this time the voice was calmer, a little tired, but still alive. It was my sister announcing her water had broken and they were on their way in to the hospital. Now my reaction was much the same as nine months ago when she called to announce her positive pregnancy test…”AHHHHHH, OH MY GOSH, ARE YOU SURE! OK! OK! How do you feel?” but this time I was much more nervous knowing she was not just going in to the hospital to simply have a freakn’ baby, she was just about to get her world rocked! in many ways.
I paced my closet trying to figure out what was best to wear for this extraordinary day, its not every day you become an aunt! I couldn’t help but recollect the mornings I went to hospital to have my children and waves of emotion I felt knowing how close I was to finally meeting my baby. While rushing to get ready I told my self several times to “slow down it will be 10 more hours before he makes his debut”. But still I rush, my heart beats fast and I even skip breakfast.
The hospital is quiet, being the Friday before the big holiday weekend. It is now 8 a.m. when I arrived and Sarah and Jeff have made themselves at home. Jeff in a corner chair reading a book and Sarah sitting up in the hospital bed with a content look on her face.
Soon the doctor arrives for her first check and announces she was dilated to a 3. Oh my! It may be more than 10 hours before his debut and I start to regret not eating breakfast. Time passes fast with a lot of gossiping and before we know it the nurses have cranked the Pitocin to increase her contractions. We spent time decorating the white board with baby weight guesses, and chatting about weird birth rituals. Around noon she was clenching the arms of the bed and her face has changed from content to concern.
I felt a little sad at this point because of her pain but also because the pain meant it was real. I had a moment of panic, was she ready for this…all of this? She was so good at being pregnant. She never even had morning sickness and she was stunning in maternity clothes, making skinny girls envious. Then that moment ended and I realized this was the end of something beautiful but beginning of somthing much more beautiful. Someday she will look back to her pregnancy as just a moment in time compared to the magical life she share with her son.
Because the hospital is Sarah’s work place a buzz started to fill the air and occasional coworkers would peek in the room to hear progress of the birth. This kept time moving and I know it made her feel good to know so many people were anxiously awaiting the arrival of their baby.
At about 1:30 the anesthesiologist was welcomed in the room and was prepared to give her an epidural. Things started to move very quickly at this point. He inserted the first epidural and the tubing instantly filled with blood, a second would not feed into her spine so finally a third was placed and began to take effect. This took well over an hour, with a lot of pain, sweat, and breathe holding moments. My mother had stepped out of the room prior to the epidural to chat with my dad who didn’t dare step foot in the room, pretty much all day. When I went to let her know the epidural was finished I could see panic in her eyes. She drilled me with questions of why it took so long and if she was out of pain yet. When we returned to the room she was content again, though very ragged looking.
The air in the room started to lighten up again and the color in Jeff’s face started to come back. We were sailing. Labor was in full force, without pain! For an hour we all talked and laughed, in fact Sarah being true to her self took a few work phone calls. But then slowly she began to melt in to the bed. The pain had returned fiercely and the contractions were coming on fast. Nurses were scattering about trying to figure out why the epidural was not working and where the nearest anesthesiologist was. Her discomfort was so intense she was feeling nauseous and dry heaving. Somewhere in there the Doctor had snuck in a checked her dilation and she had progressed to a 6. This was good, but nowhere near good enough. The road ahead was still long.
At that moment I wished she knew what all the pain was for, she knew it was for her baby but what she didn’t know was that she was using every bit of her strength and enduring gross amounts of pain for the most special thing in the whole world, a little boy that will give her the greatest feeling she will ever feel….the love of her very own child. And I wish she knew he was worth it all.
As my mom and Jeff try and soothe her bedside a new anesthesiologist arrived and decided to take the old epidural out of her back and start over. With my mom looking faint and sweat running down the doctors face he precede to start the procedure of inserting the epidural over. All I could do is think that he was going to paralyze her. It took longer than the first time and again the doctor had the same issues. Finally he got one in(three tries later) but the pain did not instantly go away as it did the first time. In fact it never went away. Somehow my mom and I ended up huddled in a corner of the room by the door, freaking out. As a nurse passed and I heard her mention Sarah was a 9 and she had a fever. Also they were getting the room ready. What! A fever? Room ready? So my mom and I pulled it together and un-clung ourselves from the corner and tried get back in the game. At this point it was after 7 pm, time was just a haze. She was in so much pain and there was nothing to do about it. They thought she might have an infection from having her water broke for so long and that is why she had a fever. Her body was saying its time and so it was.
Within a moment the doctor arrived and they started practice pushes. She was exhausted, but I could see she had so much passion in her to have that baby she was not giving up now. Less than one hour later and few “PUSSSSSSSSH” es later the tiniest little body came out , arms flailing, lungs wailing and the cutest head of hair ever was laid on her chest. It got a little fuzzy about this time for me, perhaps because of all the happy tears or just from being overwhelmed with all the beautiful events that evolved around me. But I do know one thing, a perfect baby Jack was born. It was beautiful.
With a few minor complications from the fever they stayed in the hospital a few days and started their new life as a family at home on the third of July. Just in time for fireworks.
As new parents things are going well. There are emotional breakdowns here and there, and there are times where I think they suddenly realize...what just happened? ...but, mostly, there is so much love.
************************************************************************************
Talk about celebration weekend! We never stopped, Baby Jack was born and then it was a beautiful independence day. I think it's appropriate that we bask in sunshine, barbecue with friends, and light amazing fireworks to celebrate a day that commemorates our country's freedom. Live it up. We enjoyed our weekend with many friends and even Uncle Francisco and Aunt Vicky joined us for this joyous occasion. Happy Birthday America!
Things are just settling around here after all of that excitement. This weekend both kids came down with a fever (maybe a mini hangover from too much celebrating?) Anyway it was first for quiet in our house in a long time. I got loads of laundry done, a dinner date with the husband, a little reading and a whole lot of snuggles from my babies. The skies over our house mimicked our dull and dreary weekend. We had our first real summer monsoon and it was beautiful. Even though it is hot out the mysterious grey skies make me feel like getting cozy on the couch with hot cocoa. We didn’t do that but it was a happy thought of mine, instead I watched my adorable two year old shake with the sound thunder and giggle when she would get the nerve to put her hand out the back door and let the rain drizzle down her arm.
Life is so good.
July has arrived with its bags packed full of fun. The first day of July an early Friday morning a six a.m. early to be exact started my day off with a telephone call. The same type of early call I received nine months ago, but this time the voice was calmer, a little tired, but still alive. It was my sister announcing her water had broken and they were on their way in to the hospital. Now my reaction was much the same as nine months ago when she called to announce her positive pregnancy test…”AHHHHHH, OH MY GOSH, ARE YOU SURE! OK! OK! How do you feel?” but this time I was much more nervous knowing she was not just going in to the hospital to simply have a freakn’ baby, she was just about to get her world rocked! in many ways.
I paced my closet trying to figure out what was best to wear for this extraordinary day, its not every day you become an aunt! I couldn’t help but recollect the mornings I went to hospital to have my children and waves of emotion I felt knowing how close I was to finally meeting my baby. While rushing to get ready I told my self several times to “slow down it will be 10 more hours before he makes his debut”. But still I rush, my heart beats fast and I even skip breakfast.
The hospital is quiet, being the Friday before the big holiday weekend. It is now 8 a.m. when I arrived and Sarah and Jeff have made themselves at home. Jeff in a corner chair reading a book and Sarah sitting up in the hospital bed with a content look on her face.
Soon the doctor arrives for her first check and announces she was dilated to a 3. Oh my! It may be more than 10 hours before his debut and I start to regret not eating breakfast. Time passes fast with a lot of gossiping and before we know it the nurses have cranked the Pitocin to increase her contractions. We spent time decorating the white board with baby weight guesses, and chatting about weird birth rituals. Around noon she was clenching the arms of the bed and her face has changed from content to concern.
I felt a little sad at this point because of her pain but also because the pain meant it was real. I had a moment of panic, was she ready for this…all of this? She was so good at being pregnant. She never even had morning sickness and she was stunning in maternity clothes, making skinny girls envious. Then that moment ended and I realized this was the end of something beautiful but beginning of somthing much more beautiful. Someday she will look back to her pregnancy as just a moment in time compared to the magical life she share with her son.
Because the hospital is Sarah’s work place a buzz started to fill the air and occasional coworkers would peek in the room to hear progress of the birth. This kept time moving and I know it made her feel good to know so many people were anxiously awaiting the arrival of their baby.
At about 1:30 the anesthesiologist was welcomed in the room and was prepared to give her an epidural. Things started to move very quickly at this point. He inserted the first epidural and the tubing instantly filled with blood, a second would not feed into her spine so finally a third was placed and began to take effect. This took well over an hour, with a lot of pain, sweat, and breathe holding moments. My mother had stepped out of the room prior to the epidural to chat with my dad who didn’t dare step foot in the room, pretty much all day. When I went to let her know the epidural was finished I could see panic in her eyes. She drilled me with questions of why it took so long and if she was out of pain yet. When we returned to the room she was content again, though very ragged looking.
The air in the room started to lighten up again and the color in Jeff’s face started to come back. We were sailing. Labor was in full force, without pain! For an hour we all talked and laughed, in fact Sarah being true to her self took a few work phone calls. But then slowly she began to melt in to the bed. The pain had returned fiercely and the contractions were coming on fast. Nurses were scattering about trying to figure out why the epidural was not working and where the nearest anesthesiologist was. Her discomfort was so intense she was feeling nauseous and dry heaving. Somewhere in there the Doctor had snuck in a checked her dilation and she had progressed to a 6. This was good, but nowhere near good enough. The road ahead was still long.
At that moment I wished she knew what all the pain was for, she knew it was for her baby but what she didn’t know was that she was using every bit of her strength and enduring gross amounts of pain for the most special thing in the whole world, a little boy that will give her the greatest feeling she will ever feel….the love of her very own child. And I wish she knew he was worth it all.
As my mom and Jeff try and soothe her bedside a new anesthesiologist arrived and decided to take the old epidural out of her back and start over. With my mom looking faint and sweat running down the doctors face he precede to start the procedure of inserting the epidural over. All I could do is think that he was going to paralyze her. It took longer than the first time and again the doctor had the same issues. Finally he got one in(three tries later) but the pain did not instantly go away as it did the first time. In fact it never went away. Somehow my mom and I ended up huddled in a corner of the room by the door, freaking out. As a nurse passed and I heard her mention Sarah was a 9 and she had a fever. Also they were getting the room ready. What! A fever? Room ready? So my mom and I pulled it together and un-clung ourselves from the corner and tried get back in the game. At this point it was after 7 pm, time was just a haze. She was in so much pain and there was nothing to do about it. They thought she might have an infection from having her water broke for so long and that is why she had a fever. Her body was saying its time and so it was.
Within a moment the doctor arrived and they started practice pushes. She was exhausted, but I could see she had so much passion in her to have that baby she was not giving up now. Less than one hour later and few “PUSSSSSSSSH” es later the tiniest little body came out , arms flailing, lungs wailing and the cutest head of hair ever was laid on her chest. It got a little fuzzy about this time for me, perhaps because of all the happy tears or just from being overwhelmed with all the beautiful events that evolved around me. But I do know one thing, a perfect baby Jack was born. It was beautiful.
With a few minor complications from the fever they stayed in the hospital a few days and started their new life as a family at home on the third of July. Just in time for fireworks.
As new parents things are going well. There are emotional breakdowns here and there, and there are times where I think they suddenly realize...what just happened? ...but, mostly, there is so much love.
************************************************************************************
Talk about celebration weekend! We never stopped, Baby Jack was born and then it was a beautiful independence day. I think it's appropriate that we bask in sunshine, barbecue with friends, and light amazing fireworks to celebrate a day that commemorates our country's freedom. Live it up. We enjoyed our weekend with many friends and even Uncle Francisco and Aunt Vicky joined us for this joyous occasion. Happy Birthday America!
Things are just settling around here after all of that excitement. This weekend both kids came down with a fever (maybe a mini hangover from too much celebrating?) Anyway it was first for quiet in our house in a long time. I got loads of laundry done, a dinner date with the husband, a little reading and a whole lot of snuggles from my babies. The skies over our house mimicked our dull and dreary weekend. We had our first real summer monsoon and it was beautiful. Even though it is hot out the mysterious grey skies make me feel like getting cozy on the couch with hot cocoa. We didn’t do that but it was a happy thought of mine, instead I watched my adorable two year old shake with the sound thunder and giggle when she would get the nerve to put her hand out the back door and let the rain drizzle down her arm.
Life is so good.
Hello Summer!
This weekend was a good taste of our summer to come. We started off by looking for an indoor activity, since our parks are off limits after 10am due to it now reaching an easy 105 degrees by that time. The slides and swings will brand any bare skin with a sizzling welt, so we avoid them at all costs.
8am Saturday we loaded our car and took a short drive to Lake Havasue City where we found a delightful destination at “Bubba Jumps Bounce House” hey its indoor, air-conditioned, clean, and all about kids. For six bucks an hour the kids are free to bounce and paly to their hearts content! And to top it off there are big comfortable couches for the parent to sit and watch from. It is a small bit of parent-paradise.
Sunday started with church which is always refreshing for the soul but often quite entertaining with two little ones. Lily has once stood on the pew and yelled to my mom sitting two people down “ do you have a da-gina Gigi?” or just the general fit throwing during a quiet prayer gets my day going. After church my parents asked Lily on a date to the Movies, where they watched Mr. Poppers Penguins. While they were out on their date my sister and I returned to my 76 degree air-conditioned home as a retreat where we ate lunch and lounged around while Colin napped. We chatted about how much we wished her water would break or contractions would start hard and heavy. We are so ready, she is so ready. I’m pretty she is so uncomfortable she has forgotten her fears of childbirth and will do anything for that boy bundle to be born.
Although it looks like we will do a lot of indoor lounging this summer we have a small vacation planned and new born baby to enjoy, so it will be plenty full.
Here are a few fun photos of the kids at “Bubba Jumps”
8am Saturday we loaded our car and took a short drive to Lake Havasue City where we found a delightful destination at “Bubba Jumps Bounce House” hey its indoor, air-conditioned, clean, and all about kids. For six bucks an hour the kids are free to bounce and paly to their hearts content! And to top it off there are big comfortable couches for the parent to sit and watch from. It is a small bit of parent-paradise.
Sunday started with church which is always refreshing for the soul but often quite entertaining with two little ones. Lily has once stood on the pew and yelled to my mom sitting two people down “ do you have a da-gina Gigi?” or just the general fit throwing during a quiet prayer gets my day going. After church my parents asked Lily on a date to the Movies, where they watched Mr. Poppers Penguins. While they were out on their date my sister and I returned to my 76 degree air-conditioned home as a retreat where we ate lunch and lounged around while Colin napped. We chatted about how much we wished her water would break or contractions would start hard and heavy. We are so ready, she is so ready. I’m pretty she is so uncomfortable she has forgotten her fears of childbirth and will do anything for that boy bundle to be born.
Although it looks like we will do a lot of indoor lounging this summer we have a small vacation planned and new born baby to enjoy, so it will be plenty full.
Here are a few fun photos of the kids at “Bubba Jumps”
BABY JACK
He doesn’t know it yet but we celebrated him this weekend and over the past few months many people have joined his parents in celebrating him. Bringing gifts, throwing showers, eating cake and toasting champagne; these all because he is already so deeply loved and he is not even born .
My sisters face is different not just because of her pregnancy glow but she now carries concern, joy, pride , excitement and anticipation. All of which will be forever with her now that she is a mother. When his name Jack comes from her lips it is like she is talking about a best friend, but better. In our time together I have seen her be a lot of things, a sissy who helps me feel good about myself even if it means spending her whole paycheck. A powerful working woman giving every ounce of her time to pull off the perfect event. A daughter who needs advice but always finds her individuality. The blissful bride who is confident in the way she loves and know he will be her forever. An auntie that shares laughs, tears and will someday hold secrets because the bond she has created offer the strongest trust. And now I am charmed to watch her grow in this new role of her life. She has waited patiently and passionately for past nine months to wrap her arm around him and breath him in. But what she doesn’t know is that at that moment her heart will be replaced with a new one. A more beautiful one that sees more wonder in the world and learns more about true love every day. He will captivate her soul and make her happier then she has ever known. I cannot wait to watch the beauty which is to unfold in that room on the very day Jack graces us with his arrival.
All of us are anxiously awaiting the arrival of baby Jack. I know am looking forward to the moment I get my chance at embracing him in my arms and getting my heart filled just a little fuller. But for now we will wait praying for his health and a smooth delivery. And with that said cheers to baby Jack, we will forever celebrate you!
A new chapter in our story......
I would change the subject at any chance It would come up. Slowly but surely the questions got more frequent. Finally one friend actually brought me a sign-up sheet and said “here is the paperwork for the summer classes for primary school I think Lily would love it” Oouuccch! I dreaded the thought even before she was born. School. To even think of letting her go out in to this big world without me just about killed me.
I recall later that evening with pasta sauce covering face and uneven pigtails, sitting across from her at the dinner table my little Lily looked me in the eyes and said “when is school mommy” …….just like she knew exactly what it was and that if I didn’t get that paper work in ASAP she would miss it. She had overheard the conversation I had with my friend that day and decided in her own little smart mind she was ready for school.
Over and over I told my mom, my husband and anyone who would listen “she is only two” “ who needs school anyway”( not that I don’t want her to have a good education, it’s just that she is sooo young) None of my listeners disagreed with me, but it was clear she was ready for some sort of new challenging activity. Daily she would ask if she could go to school. I even caught her telling my sister a made up story of how she was going to school soon and how she would have friends…….but I am her friend!
I have spent hours thinking in the shower, driving in the car, lying in bed at night while everyone else sleeps is this the right thing to do? Will she be ok? Will she be scared? Can I get to her fast enough if she needs me? Will she really make friends? WHAT IS THE RIGHT ANSWER!!!
This will be a huge deal allowing my child’s mind to be influenced by another adult and dozens of children. I swore the moment I found out I was pregnant I would be the best mother possible. To me that meant staying home for her childhood, being the one who raised her not a daycare or a stranger. I carried her in my body making evey choice the best for her health and now I would guide her through childhood to shape her in to the best person she could be.
Somewhere within me I found the strength to set all my scary thoughts aside and give it a chance. First step was finding the school closet to my heart and that was the Montessori school that I had grown up in, in fact it still has the same teacher who taught me. We toured the school and finally after days of her asking and me fighting with myself. We signed her up for the summer program, three days a week for two hours a day.
Days before it was to be her first day, I asked her if she was ready and she replied “No I’m not going”….Oh dear Lord Almighty…. I already paid and I knew it was a bad decision. So after a weekend of not talking about it she asked again when school was. She was ready. I was not, but she was. The night before I barely slept, I was so nervous checking my alarm several times to see if we missed it. The moment she woke she came to me and asked “can I go to school now?” So we dressed in the outfits I had preset out, ate a big breakfast of eggs and bacon, then slowly I dragged my feet to the car. She talked the whole ride there, but I did not hear her words, all I could hear my heart beating fast and hard. I knew the moment we walked through the door she would turn to me and sob asking to go home, for me to hold her and I would know that she was just not ready. I was prepared for that and it would be ok with me. But what I was not prepared for was the answers I begged someone to give me, the answers I had prayed for were right in my arms telling me “ bye mommy, see you later”
My girl found courage and confidence in this new place with Ms. Lynn. I don’t know if she gave herself a kiddie pep talk or what but she was radiant. Grabbing the hand of her new teacher and walking right in to her classroom like it was her job. Although she held her head proud like she had no fears she gave me the satisfaction of reminding me she was still my innocent little girl. She ran to fence in the play yard as I was walking to car and kissed me though the fence and saying in a tone of more reminding me “you will pick me up soon right?”
I was jelly when I got to my car and didn’t recover until I got to back to the school parking lot to pick her up. I didn’t think she could be better than the little girl I dropped off but I could see the passion in her face that school draws the best from her. She was proud, and so was I!
That day was magic. I have learned she is capable of so much more than I ever imagined. Like teaching me she is brave and strong, I have learned that I need to trust her when she says she knows what she wants. I am looking forward to more chapters; because I know with her they will be good.
*A little funny-
First day while waiting for parents to pick the kids up the teacher asked the kids waiting “do you know what color car your mom drives?” the first kid answers “umm white” then it was Lily’s turn and Lily says
“my mom has credit cars!” ……..Yikes I’m in trouble!
Not real sure what to do? Just talking with the teacher.
My big school Girl! Her First day of School!
I recall later that evening with pasta sauce covering face and uneven pigtails, sitting across from her at the dinner table my little Lily looked me in the eyes and said “when is school mommy” …….just like she knew exactly what it was and that if I didn’t get that paper work in ASAP she would miss it. She had overheard the conversation I had with my friend that day and decided in her own little smart mind she was ready for school.
Over and over I told my mom, my husband and anyone who would listen “she is only two” “ who needs school anyway”( not that I don’t want her to have a good education, it’s just that she is sooo young) None of my listeners disagreed with me, but it was clear she was ready for some sort of new challenging activity. Daily she would ask if she could go to school. I even caught her telling my sister a made up story of how she was going to school soon and how she would have friends…….but I am her friend!
I have spent hours thinking in the shower, driving in the car, lying in bed at night while everyone else sleeps is this the right thing to do? Will she be ok? Will she be scared? Can I get to her fast enough if she needs me? Will she really make friends? WHAT IS THE RIGHT ANSWER!!!
This will be a huge deal allowing my child’s mind to be influenced by another adult and dozens of children. I swore the moment I found out I was pregnant I would be the best mother possible. To me that meant staying home for her childhood, being the one who raised her not a daycare or a stranger. I carried her in my body making evey choice the best for her health and now I would guide her through childhood to shape her in to the best person she could be.
Somewhere within me I found the strength to set all my scary thoughts aside and give it a chance. First step was finding the school closet to my heart and that was the Montessori school that I had grown up in, in fact it still has the same teacher who taught me. We toured the school and finally after days of her asking and me fighting with myself. We signed her up for the summer program, three days a week for two hours a day.
Days before it was to be her first day, I asked her if she was ready and she replied “No I’m not going”….Oh dear Lord Almighty…. I already paid and I knew it was a bad decision. So after a weekend of not talking about it she asked again when school was. She was ready. I was not, but she was. The night before I barely slept, I was so nervous checking my alarm several times to see if we missed it. The moment she woke she came to me and asked “can I go to school now?” So we dressed in the outfits I had preset out, ate a big breakfast of eggs and bacon, then slowly I dragged my feet to the car. She talked the whole ride there, but I did not hear her words, all I could hear my heart beating fast and hard. I knew the moment we walked through the door she would turn to me and sob asking to go home, for me to hold her and I would know that she was just not ready. I was prepared for that and it would be ok with me. But what I was not prepared for was the answers I begged someone to give me, the answers I had prayed for were right in my arms telling me “ bye mommy, see you later”
My girl found courage and confidence in this new place with Ms. Lynn. I don’t know if she gave herself a kiddie pep talk or what but she was radiant. Grabbing the hand of her new teacher and walking right in to her classroom like it was her job. Although she held her head proud like she had no fears she gave me the satisfaction of reminding me she was still my innocent little girl. She ran to fence in the play yard as I was walking to car and kissed me though the fence and saying in a tone of more reminding me “you will pick me up soon right?”
I was jelly when I got to my car and didn’t recover until I got to back to the school parking lot to pick her up. I didn’t think she could be better than the little girl I dropped off but I could see the passion in her face that school draws the best from her. She was proud, and so was I!
That day was magic. I have learned she is capable of so much more than I ever imagined. Like teaching me she is brave and strong, I have learned that I need to trust her when she says she knows what she wants. I am looking forward to more chapters; because I know with her they will be good.
*A little funny-
First day while waiting for parents to pick the kids up the teacher asked the kids waiting “do you know what color car your mom drives?” the first kid answers “umm white” then it was Lily’s turn and Lily says
“my mom has credit cars!” ……..Yikes I’m in trouble!
Not real sure what to do? Just talking with the teacher.
My big school Girl! Her First day of School!
Man of many hats
He stood in our kitchen wearing a perfectly shaped black baseball cap when he first confessed his desire to be a fire man. This hat is his go to hat. Since we were teenager he would slip it on and run out the house on any given day. Someday to hide is bed head, others to hide the stress of family issues and sometimes because it just looked good hiding his shy eyes.
As our married life together began to take shape I have seen this hat belong to a musician who traveled across seas, two children have played peek a boo with it and often it sits on his dresser while he sells insurance in a dress shirt and tie.
But for the past six months upon his head has been a red baseball cap reading “Fire Academy 11-01”
Three full days without help, without a daddy, without a husband without my life partner. On Sundays our life gets a single moment for all of us to be together and fresh air fills the room. We all breath it in….long deep breaths knowing the next week we will return to missing him.
As our months turn to weeks on our countdown I start to see our future through a less foggy window. Although life as we know it has continued to go on since he started the fire academy in fact we have celebrated birthdays, road trips, baby showers, growing baby bumps(my sisters), mastered crawling, first steps, many laughs and milestone moments. Most of them without him.
While I sit in my cool comfortable dark room writing this now, complaining, feeling annoyed, he is wearing 70 pounds of hot gear planning, prepping, practicing to save a life, to save a home, to save someone’s memories.
So many times I have had to give myself a pep talk and remind myself to get over the fact I am tired. He is up at 2am on Saturdays running 7 miles, swimming laps in murky water, climbing dozens of flights of stairs and doing hundreds of pushups. Again I ask myself how tired am I?
Often I find would find myself longing for a moment alone, just to read my book. Since I have been a single parent those moments have been few and far between. But realize while I wish to read a book he is required to read hundreds of pages in order to pass his tests. All while working out, working insurance during the day, and cherishing the few hours he gets with his family.
He is passing with flying colors, I know of only a time or two where he didn’t get a perfect score. I am in awe of his motivation, studying well in to the night. He has always been well fit but his body is now sculpted to perfection from all of the physical training. His drive and dedication are remarkable.
So It is my chance to give him the recognition he deserves….Anthony you are an extraordinary man. I appreciate the way you give every ounce of your strength to our family. Working hard so I can stay home and be a mamma, so we can have a nice house, so we can have big family dinners and fun vacations, and so we can keep dreaming. I love the way you love our children with all of your heart. I thank you for making me feel loved, for making me miss you even when we are in the same room. And most of all I thank you for chasing your dreams and completing your goals. It takes a passionate person to fight for what they really want, most just settle for easy. You are one of few who see that life offers many hats to try. I am envious of the distance you can dream. I am beyond proud of you. I trust you with all of my soul, so even though I thought you were crazy at times I never doubted you.
Thomas A. Kempis says, "Love alone lightens every burden, and makes rough places smooth. It bears every hardship as though it were nothing, and renders all bitterness sweet and acceptable."
I think about these past several months and how having Anthony and our family and this rich, rich love really has made everything so smooth. And I've thought how destined everything seems to be--as if the planets aligned on that day six months ago so perfectly because this was all in store for our future. And yes, our hardships are though as if it were nothing, and all bitterness has been rendered sweet and acceptable.
In a week the man I love will graduate and he will no longer wear a baseball cap he will don a Fireman’s helmet. This helmet will protect his life so he can save a life to make our life wonderful!
As our married life together began to take shape I have seen this hat belong to a musician who traveled across seas, two children have played peek a boo with it and often it sits on his dresser while he sells insurance in a dress shirt and tie.
But for the past six months upon his head has been a red baseball cap reading “Fire Academy 11-01”
Three full days without help, without a daddy, without a husband without my life partner. On Sundays our life gets a single moment for all of us to be together and fresh air fills the room. We all breath it in….long deep breaths knowing the next week we will return to missing him.
As our months turn to weeks on our countdown I start to see our future through a less foggy window. Although life as we know it has continued to go on since he started the fire academy in fact we have celebrated birthdays, road trips, baby showers, growing baby bumps(my sisters), mastered crawling, first steps, many laughs and milestone moments. Most of them without him.
While I sit in my cool comfortable dark room writing this now, complaining, feeling annoyed, he is wearing 70 pounds of hot gear planning, prepping, practicing to save a life, to save a home, to save someone’s memories.
So many times I have had to give myself a pep talk and remind myself to get over the fact I am tired. He is up at 2am on Saturdays running 7 miles, swimming laps in murky water, climbing dozens of flights of stairs and doing hundreds of pushups. Again I ask myself how tired am I?
Often I find would find myself longing for a moment alone, just to read my book. Since I have been a single parent those moments have been few and far between. But realize while I wish to read a book he is required to read hundreds of pages in order to pass his tests. All while working out, working insurance during the day, and cherishing the few hours he gets with his family.
He is passing with flying colors, I know of only a time or two where he didn’t get a perfect score. I am in awe of his motivation, studying well in to the night. He has always been well fit but his body is now sculpted to perfection from all of the physical training. His drive and dedication are remarkable.
So It is my chance to give him the recognition he deserves….Anthony you are an extraordinary man. I appreciate the way you give every ounce of your strength to our family. Working hard so I can stay home and be a mamma, so we can have a nice house, so we can have big family dinners and fun vacations, and so we can keep dreaming. I love the way you love our children with all of your heart. I thank you for making me feel loved, for making me miss you even when we are in the same room. And most of all I thank you for chasing your dreams and completing your goals. It takes a passionate person to fight for what they really want, most just settle for easy. You are one of few who see that life offers many hats to try. I am envious of the distance you can dream. I am beyond proud of you. I trust you with all of my soul, so even though I thought you were crazy at times I never doubted you.
Thomas A. Kempis says, "Love alone lightens every burden, and makes rough places smooth. It bears every hardship as though it were nothing, and renders all bitterness sweet and acceptable."
I think about these past several months and how having Anthony and our family and this rich, rich love really has made everything so smooth. And I've thought how destined everything seems to be--as if the planets aligned on that day six months ago so perfectly because this was all in store for our future. And yes, our hardships are though as if it were nothing, and all bitterness has been rendered sweet and acceptable.
In a week the man I love will graduate and he will no longer wear a baseball cap he will don a Fireman’s helmet. This helmet will protect his life so he can save a life to make our life wonderful!
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