I recall later that evening with pasta sauce covering face and uneven pigtails, sitting across from her at the dinner table my little Lily looked me in the eyes and said “when is school mommy” …….just like she knew exactly what it was and that if I didn’t get that paper work in ASAP she would miss it. She had overheard the conversation I had with my friend that day and decided in her own little smart mind she was ready for school.
Over and over I told my mom, my husband and anyone who would listen “she is only two” “ who needs school anyway”( not that I don’t want her to have a good education, it’s just that she is sooo young) None of my listeners disagreed with me, but it was clear she was ready for some sort of new challenging activity. Daily she would ask if she could go to school. I even caught her telling my sister a made up story of how she was going to school soon and how she would have friends…….but I am her friend!
I have spent hours thinking in the shower, driving in the car, lying in bed at night while everyone else sleeps is this the right thing to do? Will she be ok? Will she be scared? Can I get to her fast enough if she needs me? Will she really make friends? WHAT IS THE RIGHT ANSWER!!!
This will be a huge deal allowing my child’s mind to be influenced by another adult and dozens of children. I swore the moment I found out I was pregnant I would be the best mother possible. To me that meant staying home for her childhood, being the one who raised her not a daycare or a stranger. I carried her in my body making evey choice the best for her health and now I would guide her through childhood to shape her in to the best person she could be.
Somewhere within me I found the strength to set all my scary thoughts aside and give it a chance. First step was finding the school closet to my heart and that was the Montessori school that I had grown up in, in fact it still has the same teacher who taught me. We toured the school and finally after days of her asking and me fighting with myself. We signed her up for the summer program, three days a week for two hours a day.
Days before it was to be her first day, I asked her if she was ready and she replied “No I’m not going”….Oh dear Lord Almighty…. I already paid and I knew it was a bad decision. So after a weekend of not talking about it she asked again when school was. She was ready. I was not, but she was. The night before I barely slept, I was so nervous checking my alarm several times to see if we missed it. The moment she woke she came to me and asked “can I go to school now?” So we dressed in the outfits I had preset out, ate a big breakfast of eggs and bacon, then slowly I dragged my feet to the car. She talked the whole ride there, but I did not hear her words, all I could hear my heart beating fast and hard. I knew the moment we walked through the door she would turn to me and sob asking to go home, for me to hold her and I would know that she was just not ready. I was prepared for that and it would be ok with me. But what I was not prepared for was the answers I begged someone to give me, the answers I had prayed for were right in my arms telling me “ bye mommy, see you later”
My girl found courage and confidence in this new place with Ms. Lynn. I don’t know if she gave herself a kiddie pep talk or what but she was radiant. Grabbing the hand of her new teacher and walking right in to her classroom like it was her job. Although she held her head proud like she had no fears she gave me the satisfaction of reminding me she was still my innocent little girl. She ran to fence in the play yard as I was walking to car and kissed me though the fence and saying in a tone of more reminding me “you will pick me up soon right?”
I was jelly when I got to my car and didn’t recover until I got to back to the school parking lot to pick her up. I didn’t think she could be better than the little girl I dropped off but I could see the passion in her face that school draws the best from her. She was proud, and so was I!
That day was magic. I have learned she is capable of so much more than I ever imagined. Like teaching me she is brave and strong, I have learned that I need to trust her when she says she knows what she wants. I am looking forward to more chapters; because I know with her they will be good.
*A little funny-
First day while waiting for parents to pick the kids up the teacher asked the kids waiting “do you know what color car your mom drives?” the first kid answers “umm white” then it was Lily’s turn and Lily says
“my mom has credit cars!” ……..Yikes I’m in trouble!
Not real sure what to do? Just talking with the teacher.
My big school Girl! Her First day of School!
